Breadcrumbs
When dancing with doubt, it’s important to remember that the gate swings both ways. Sure commiseration feels good, and *nothing* fees quite like having your own feelings validated by seeing them articulated by someone outside yourself, not chocolate, not sex (the very crux of blogging’s draw, if you ask me). You might even find someone who tripped along the same path where you find yourself caught and pick up their breadcrumb trail. You also might inadvertently snag someone else and land them in your quandary. Make sure you leave a trail of your own breadcrumbs for them to follow out.
Sure, as you pass through the trail you might pick up a few stragglers and be able to help guide them out having found some crumbs that they missed. You might also leave some stragglers from your own party you brought with you. As on any wilderness trail you might hike, ‘pack it in, pack it out.’ Be true, be honest, leave no crumb unshared. Where two worlds meet with nothing but free agency between them, never forget that the gates swing both ways. Make sure you’re not holding the gate open for someone hitting the trail unprepared.
If it’s your hand that’s on the gate as they pass through, it’s your head their loss is on if they don’t make it back.
March 28th, 2006 11:33
Very nice. We have an accountability here don’t we?
March 28th, 2006 11:39
Exactly.
All too often though, in our Lord of the Flies beach party here that is the internet, we hide behind the pseudoanonymity of it all and forget that our typewritten words and associations have the same consequences as the real life ones. It is by no means a flaw unique to the ‘nacle, but certainly the stakes are higher here given what we discuss and how those discussions can sway people’s offline lives (and, y’know, like their eternal destinies and all…).
March 28th, 2006 12:26
Hi, Naiah -
We do have an obligation as Church members to speak the truth and to participate in uplifting rather than negative discussions with others about the church, but each of us is responsible for our own salvation. We shouldn’t believe everything we read or hear - regardless of the source - we need to study it out in our minds and pray for understanding.
March 28th, 2006 12:52
I understand that you’re trying to get away from “shallow,” but come on, Naiah — do you have to write such crumby posts? This is probably the crumbiest post I’ve read in weeks!
By the way, I do _not_ recommend leaving a breadcrumb trail if your journey takes you through New York City. Unless you want to follow a trail of pigeon poop back home.
But on a serious note, I like your thoughts here. At times I’m not sure _where_ my own trail is leading. But it’s always best to leave the breadcrumbs behind, I think. At least, it is if I’m headed in the right direction.
And if I’m not? Is it better to leave the crumbs behind, to help me backtrack if-and-when I figure things out? Or better _not_ to leave a trail, so as not to draw any followers? Hmm. I’m not sure on that one.
For that matter, isn’t any breadcrumb trail potentially problematic? If you’re going from darkness into light and leaving breadcrumbs, you may be leaving a trail for others to follow out of darkness. On the other hand, someone in the light (or in the gray area) may follow your trail backwards into darkness, right? Can you make a breadcrumb trail that’s one-way only? Or is it always a dangerous endeavor?
March 28th, 2006 13:15
Elisabeth, Given that you say “each of us is responsible for our own salvation. We shouldn’t believe everything we read or hear ,” I would consider you ready for the trail. There are undoubtedly personal experiences involving troubling feelings, etc, wonderings and criticisms, and the like that, while appropriate when shared between close friends, are not suited to being preached to the masses. It’s important to remember that that’s what we’re doing on here, whether we like the responsibility or not, we are ‘preaching,’ and we all need to use our respective soapboxes wisely. I know that I have, in my body of life experience, accumulated several experiences which, if relayed without proper preparation and context amount to little more than spiritual poison. I’m pretty sure most of us do. It’s important to remember that there’s a human cost to spreading that about. Blogs are a public forum, and an imperfect one. There is no intonation, no body language to accompany the text. In the name of coherent flow in writing voice, we often skim over or leave out details that are crucial parts of our respective breadcrumb trails. While art’s name can be one of the most noble in which one can act, we need to count the cost. I have responsibility for what I say here, as do you, and everyone else who makes the choice to send their thoughts out into the world. Sure, the listeners have an obligation to sort it out, but poison isn’t something you can choose whether ot not it affects you. It’s important to share hand in hand with our hardest times and feelings, those crumbs that helped us find our way through them. If you’re gonna stick someone with poison, at least make the antidote available. It’s their choice to take it or not, but to not offer it and rob them of that choice brings a dire accountability.
March 28th, 2006 13:26
Kaimi,
“I’m not sure _where_ my own trail is leading,” neither am I. Frankly, no one is. We are all doing our best to do the best that we can with what we’ve been given, and that’s all we can know. We can hope, but until the veil lifts, we just won’t know.
“follow your trail backwards into darkness” Exactly. Thus my commnet about gates swinging both ways. The confluence of faith and uncertainty makes for tricky, tricky waters, which is why, if people feel they must share their experiences in flirting with it, that they be responsible about it, and take the time to show others how they found their way out. Those kinds of trails, being logical progressions of principles of faith and life experience lead in one direction. Without those benchmark experiences and thoughts, though, in writing about a faith-trying event we do leave the way open to two-way traffic.
As for it being a dangerous endeavour, well, it is, but in doing our best to share the resolution, we mitigate any damage our crisis my bring on another, and the possibility of helping another in the same circumstances makes it worth the risk. (so long as we take the time to help anyone who didn’t catch our crums and calls out for our explanation)
March 28th, 2006 14:50
“…*nothing* fees quite like having your own feelings validated by seeing them articulated by someone outside yourself, not chocolate, not sex (the very crux of blogging’s draw, if you ask me).”
As an unmarried 30-year-old Mormon man, let me just say that if blogging is truly better than sex, then I am going to kill myself right now.
March 28th, 2006 15:15
It’s not that hopeless. Sex is way more fun, though they occasionally provide the same thing emotionally. Call it a byproduct of both blogging and sex. So, it’s not blogging, itself, John, but the sense of validation that often accompanies various moments in it. Anyway, I realized that my logic doesn’t hold there, as validation is inherent in healthy sex. I’m not sure how to reword it, but I think you (and everybody selse) get my point.
March 28th, 2006 15:49
“…if people feel they must share their experiences in flirting with it, that they be responsible about it, and take the time to show others how they found their way out.”
Naiah-
Hmm. Well, explaining how I solved my crisis of faith is not necessarily going to help someone else navigate through his own crisis of faith - even if we experience the exact same crisis at the exact same time.
The only way to answer life’s thorny questions is for you yourself to gain a mini-testimony of each question. Sharing how you arrived at the truth and gained your testimony may help some, but it’s not a substitute for that person evaluating all the information available and praying for answers themselves.
March 28th, 2006 16:15
Naiah and Elisabeth, I don’t think I totally agree with either of you, but I agree somewhat.
That term this Lord of the Flies beach party that is the internet. Oh man, I think that is true. But somebody else said that sort of before referring to missionaries left unsupervised in a zone.
I’ve used Lord of the Flies a lot since then.
March 28th, 2006 16:36
Elisabeth,
“The only way to answer life’s thorny questions is for you yourself to gain a mini-testimony of each question. Sharing how you arrived at the truth and gained your testimony may help some, but it’s not a substitute for that person evaluating all the information available and praying for answers themselves. ”
Exactly. Of course, they have to integrate the problem/question and work through each step of their own answer themselves.
“explaining how I solved my crisis of faith is not necessarily going to help someone else navigate through his own crisis of faith - even if we experience the exact same crisis at the exact same time.”
You’re completely right; no one’s solutions are going to be identical, and they will diverge from your path as they find their own.
In the spirit of being constructive as opposed to destructive it is still important for those who feel a need to share their crises publicly to share the steps of their own solution, thus framing the presentation of the crisis within a context of resolution and easing others who may be feeling similarly. Doing so offers a reassurance that their discomfort can be alleviated in time with consideration, study, prayer, and pondering. It is simply cruel to give validation to someone’s doubt and discomfort without offering equal support to the alleviation of that suffering.
Like it or not, we all have responsibility for how we choose to affect others’ lives, just as they have responsibility for how they choose to integrate our input. Their agency in choosing to accept or not does not countermand the accountability of the person who offered the input.
March 28th, 2006 16:48
Payne,
You know, there are people who blog every day — some who blog multiple times per day, and then, there are people who only blog once a month, or once a year. There are people who like to blog, and people who like to watch others blog. (Sometimes they offer helpful comments). There are even _group_ blogs, and “guest bloggers.”
Not that I would ever affiliate with such people.
Elisabeth writes:
“Hmm. Well, explaining how I solved my crisis of faith is not necessarily going to help someone else navigate through his own crisis of faith - even if we experience the exact same crisis at the exact same time.”
Maybe, E. But maybe it does help. If a person I admire admits her own crisis of faith, perhaps I say “well, if she can have a crisis and presevere, so can I.” It won’t work that way all the time, of course. But there will definitely be cases in which the sharing of a history of crisis may itself be a faith booster. (Of course, the reverse can also occur - the mere sharing can also undermine faith, depending on the person).
March 28th, 2006 18:53
I myself have my mouse permanently attached to my hand via duct tape.
March 28th, 2006 19:03
You know, you are a very good writer. Dancing with doubt.
Yeah, I play a lot here, but my doubts aren’t as solid as my faith. Every once in awhile I realize someone is really reading and it is pretty dang scary.
March 28th, 2006 19:07
Granted solutions aren’t going to be the same for everyone, but even trying to see the problem from a positive perspective can change the nature of the struggle.
There are benefits to sharing a crisis of faith. Members who struggle with similar problems can see that their struggle isn’t a sign of unworthiness or proof that the church is false by seeing someone they know and respect admit to having similar problems. Also in sharing a crisis of faith with a resolution others who struggle see that people can be at peace with something without the thing itself having to change. I especially think of Julie Smith sharing how she sees aspects of the temple that have bothered me in the past.
Good post
March 28th, 2006 19:56
Naiah, very inspiring post–and as always superbly articulated. I agree that it is critical that wehelp as best we can others along the trail.
March 28th, 2006 21:23
Dancing with doubt. This reminds me of a talk Elder Holland gave at conference a while back (I’m thinking maybe a year ago now) where I felt like he was kicking my butt every time he went through it, but I found in his actual words some clarity that took some of the edge off.
Here’s the thing for me when it comes to dealing with doubts in a Church context: stick with the truth. If you’ve got a doubt, that’s the truth, and it’s okay to say what the doubt is and why. There are many legitimate hard questions about the Church that don’t have easy answers — some of them won’t have answers in this life. It’s okay to talk about those — I have been finding it useful to run into Sunstone-folks who like talking about some of the areas I’ve been wondering about and finding out that they have been able to maintain their involvement in the Church. It’s helpful because sometimes I just think it’d be easier to walk away and quit trying, and they are there to say that you can stick with it and make it work.
Which I think is what you’re talking about (although it sounds prettier when you say it).
I have never been a fan of the abuses of the pseudo-anonymity of the net. It’s part of why I post under my own name almost always. If somebody has a problem with something I’ve said or done online, they can find me without a lot of difficulty and say so.
I have this feeling I’m dancing on the edge of your point — noticing the words, but not quite getting it. I suspect you’ll let me know.
March 29th, 2006 09:46
It is so true, just as in everyday life, out words and actions can influence others, for good and for bad, even when done unintentionally. Still it is important to share things that are important on some level, you never know who you might touch for the good, we can’t let fear interfer with something we believe in.
I have also explained in once on my blog how tigersue came into being. Does nicknames count? 
Here I am one of those pseodo-anonymous bloggers, but if people really want to know my name they can ask. I just have used this in many places, so I’m recognized by this name better than my real one.
March 29th, 2006 10:24
Enjoyed the post.
BTW, you might want to encourage your co-bloggers to each link to this blog from their home pages. Makes it easier to find … leaves a trail.
March 29th, 2006 11:49
Naiah: “I’m not sure how to reword it, but I think you (and everybody else) get my point.”
I do. =)
March 29th, 2006 11:51
Kaimi: “There are even _group_ blogs, and ‘guest bloggers.’ Not that I would ever affiliate with such people.”
Perish the thought!
March 29th, 2006 12:10
I do too.. although I am not even going to mention the concept to my wife.. The last I want to tell her is: Yeah honey, blogging is as good as our sex life.
It chills me just thinking about the consquences.
March 29th, 2006 12:44
Hahaha! Yeah, not being blogger, I don’t know how she’s take that, Ryan.
Ok, it’s my own thread so I can jack it if I want…On blogging and sex:
There’s that “I’m blogging this” t-shirt from ThinkGeek, right. A long time ago, when I asked Rob to write a guest post for the dot on what it’s like being married to me (yes, it is a wild and varied enough experience to merit a few words), he joked about having someone draw up a cartoon of a couple in bed, with the woman wearing that t-shirt, holding a Treo/Clié/cameraphone off to the side. I need to find someone to do that. =)