Be of Good Cheer
My father passed away peacefully a few months ago, just eighteen days short of his hundredth birthday. Even as his physical capacities gradually diminished during the last few years, he continued to live by himself, fixing his own meals and using his own recipe to bake his super-nutritious bread. Both he and my mother, who died seven years previously, impressed all who knew them with their positive, cheerful outlook on life, even in the midst of their challenges.
I have sometimes wondered if my own basically cheerful nature was inherited, or a more a result of seeing and following my parents’ example. Both genetics and observation no doubt come into play, but I recently found evidence that they were actively trying to teach me the value of being cheerful when I was very young.
In going through boxes of my parents’ papers, I came across a note my father had written to me when I was not yet four years old. He wrote it on a small piece of note-paper, folded it in half, addressed it to me personally, and enclosed it with a letter mailed to my mother when we were both away from home visiting her side of the family in another state. It reads in part:
“I hope you enjoyed your very long ride and that you were a very happy and obedient girl all of the time. It is so very easy to be cheerful some of the time that a little bit of cheerfulness is hardly worth a thimbleful of sand, but it is so very, very difficult to be cheerful all of the time that if you can accomplish it the value to you will be greater than a hundred tea sets or forty-seven [dolls] or thirty-nine doll houses with real wooden chairs and tables and pianos that make music. So try very hard, won’t you?”
As I read that note, I thought of the Savior’s admonitions to “be of good cheer,” which are usually accompanied by very good reasons why such cheer is possible even when we may think we have good reason to be sorrowful.
When bowed down with remorse for our sins, we can remember that Jesus said to the man sick of the palsy, “Son, be of good cheer; thy sins are forgiven thee” (Matt. 9:2).
When we feel forsaken, we can be heartened by the Savior’s words in D&C 68:6: “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you. . . .”
When we are discouraged by our weaknesses and failures, we can ponder D&C 78:18: “And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.”
No matter what disappointments, frustrations, or even tragedies we face during our mortal probation, because of Christ’s Atonement, we know that if we continue to have faith in Him, and do our best to live righteously, we can eventually join Him, and our Heavenly Parents, in realms of glory. “Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).
So, away with long faces, deep sighs, and bitter complaints about our sorry state. We have the restored gospel, the ultimate good news, to share with all mankind:
“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
September 20th, 2006 08:50
Outstanding!
I need to hear this stuff a lot. Your dad must have been a great man. What an important lesson.
So your dad and mom both lived into their 90’s? Or at least close? Do you have a recipe for that bread?
September 20th, 2006 09:01
Your father’s note was the sweetest thing. I needed this post. I can be a grouchy one at times. Thanks for sharing.
September 20th, 2006 10:16
Eric,
I was wanting the same thing…the recipe to that bread.
September 20th, 2006 10:51
Eric (#1), Yes, my mother died at 91. Since my husband’s parents lived into their 80’s and 90’s, we tell our children to save up for a potentially very long retirement!
Alison (#2), Thanks for your kind words. I think we all need to be reminded that cheerfulness, like any positive character trait, is one that may take work and constant reminders to develop and maintain. We are often fighting the “natural man” tendencies; but, fortunately, the Lord is there to help us as we keep trying.
Michelle (#3) and Eric (#1), re the bread recipe. My father was a bacteriologist, and he continually revised it, incorporating the latest nutritional advice. From the beginning it had carrots and powdered skim milk in it. At times it had cottage cheese, and in recent years he used olive oil in place of corn oil. But the process was so complex that those who tried to make it failed to produce a good product, and my father eventually ceased to give out the recipe.
September 20th, 2006 17:48
Oh RoAnn, thank-you for this. My mind has been so weighed down. It has been a week of worldly trials. What a desperately needed and so very delicious reminder to go ahead and taste the sweet–for it is always there. Thank-you so so so much.
September 20th, 2006 17:59
Many years ago we lived in a third world country, quite backward compared to the USA. We had some LDS friends, and the wife constantly complained about circumstances there, to the point that it grated on our relationship. After a couple of years we moved away, and so did they.
We didn’t see them for a long time, and we eventually went back on assignment to that country. By some coincidence, about six years later, he and I were on the same flight into Los Angeles, and she met him at the airport. When I mentioned where we now were living, she said: “Oh, how I miss it. It was so wonderful there.”
I thought it sad that she seemed to enjoy it so much in retrospect, but had not been happy in the present.
September 21st, 2006 05:03
Naiah (#5), yes, the sweet is always there, but, like you, I sometimes need reminders to search through the bitter to find it!
Serenity (#6), thanks for that striking example of how we can gain a lot of happy moments if our attitude towards our present circumstances is positive.
“Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves,” (2 Ne.10:23) Every place, every time of life, every relationship has it’s pluses and minuses. We really can choose to focus mainly on the good, or on the bad.
September 21st, 2006 07:50
Thanks, this has really made me think about myself. Am I usually of good cheer? What am I teaching my children? I think I am somewhat cheerful person, but do I let it show through all the challenges and stresses of life? Hmmm.
September 21st, 2006 08:38
Karen (#8), thanks for your comment! I was talking to my sister about the influence of our parents in this area, and she mentioned how she also thought that it was seeing our parents deal with major (as well as minor) challenges that helped all their children usually deal positively with whatever came along. That is not to say that we don’t ever get depressed, or discouraged, or stressed. We do, but we know we need to seek the Lord’s help in overcoming those negative reactions quickly, and to remember that God is the source of peace and joy and will sustain us even in the midst of our worst trials, if we choose to let Him do so.
September 21st, 2006 13:52
What a great man your father must have been! Wow! What a precious note to have in your possession! That will be a treasure to pass onto your children and grand children.
September 21st, 2006 14:29
Just thought I’d let you know how your good work is spreading.
A couple of years ago I was volunteering as a choreographer for a youth musical theater production that three of my own children were in. Some of the other moms volunteered to play with the toddlers for the directing moms.
One day, as I walked toward the playroom door, I heard the SWEETEST, most patient voice on the planet. It was from a volunteer I would later meet named LauraLyn Eberting. Unfortuntely, she wasn’t–as I suspected–a brand-new mom. She was a mom of young kids up to near teenagers, who HAD lived long enough to be worn out and tired of trying to be sweet. And STILL she had the nerve to be such a NICE mom and–and induce a great deal of guilt in my soul.
Over the past years as I got to know her I found out she IS just as nice as I thought, but she’s also very smart, opinionated, talented, etc. And STILL she’s nice, positive, cheerful.
Hmmph.
Anyway, she is a great example to me.
So, today, when I was driving the kids all over and had a headache and was tired and had a sinus issue…I remembered this article. I actually, truly remembered it when I needed it. And at the height of chaos, when I was trying to get Belinda to seminary and Monica and Samson to swimming (without loosing all the karate stuff) and while Caleb was squishing his burrito into the carseat and I was worried about how to be three places at once tonight because my husband is out of town (with our daughter Alana, a 13 yo tradition) and Jessica was calling from BYU for help with something–out of my mouth came LauraLyn Eberting’s voice. I kid you not.
So, I had to return to give you credit for bringing a much needed dose of cheerful mom to our family during one of the times we generally do not posess such a thing. My children bless you.
September 21st, 2006 18:09
Stephanie (#10)Thanks for commenting! My father was remarkable in many ways, and both my parents were always reaching out to others, looking for the best in them, and sharing their talents selflessly. I fall very short of their thoughtfulness, but I keep trying! That I found my father’s very small note tucked in with other papers is to me another instance of the “tender mercies” of God. I will indeed treasure it and pass it on.
Alison (#11), thanks so much for taking the time to give not only the example of your friend Laura Lyn Eberting, but also share, in a delightfully humorous way, how you used that example to deal with one of the typical nerve-wracking, frustrating experiences any mother six (did I count correctly?) faces on a daily basis. I can identify completely, having gone through similar hectic times with my six in years past. Hooray for you! And I’m so pleased that my post was of immediate practical use!
September 22nd, 2006 06:49
I have had a hard time remembering this idea too. I was up last night with two crying babies, one screaming in pain. This has become a nightly ritual the past few weeks and I have been so tired of not getting to bed until late, and up early when my husband and daughter leave. Thanks for reminding me to be cheerful in all things. It is much better than being cranky or sad.
September 22nd, 2006 16:15
Alison,
Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to share your experience. Isn’t it wonderful when there are ways we can “be there” for each other, even as strangers? RoAnn, thank you for sharing these thoughts and scriptures.
September 23rd, 2006 08:44
Tanya (#13), and Allison (11), I think one of the most difficult things for many of us is choosing to be cheerful when we are physically and mentally exhausted. For mothers of small children, that often means most of the time.
I remember being incredibly surprised to discover how easily my heretofore “even temperament” got jolted into frustration, anger, even desperation, once I had children. Fortunately, I recogized what was happening, and marveled at how raising a family was an ideal situation for helping us to learn how to become like our Father in Heaven.
Platitudes about loving everyone are easy to utter. But it’s when we can be cheerful when we have crying, demanding babies, or stubborn and mischievous toddlers, or uncooperative and rebellious teenagers (or all three at once) that we learn and grow in ways that we may never dreamed of.
If we are wise, we learn that we can’t do it on our own–mere self-discipline is not enough for most of us. But we discover that relying on the Lord is the answer. If we rely on Him, have the desire to improve, continually repent and keep trying, we really can gradually become stronger and better able to cope with whatever comes along in our life.
September 24th, 2006 17:14
RoAnn,
By the way, I forgot to say that I am sorry about your father’s passing. I know he is in a better place, etc, but the pain at losing a loved one is often difficult to express and I didn’t mean to forget to offer my condolensces.
Stephanie
September 25th, 2006 08:01
Stephanie (#16), No problem; and thanks so much for your expression of sympathy. I purposely waited to write this post until I was able to focus more on my father’s legacy, rather than on my feelings of loss. Fortunately, that legacy is a very positive one!
October 19th, 2006 11:09
[…] On 20 September RoAnn wrote an essay called “Be of Good Cheer.” I found it inspiring and then I found a talk by Elder Maxwell that expounds on that same theme, and I wanted to point it out and to make a few comments of my own. […]