My Role as a Mother
This piece was written by Cheryl, one of our guest writers.
I finally figured it out! (Although, as you will see, I had a lot of help.)
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that a mother’s responsibility is to nurture her children. I’ve often thought a lot about what that means. There have been several Relief Society and Sunday School lessons about parents (mothers) taking care of their children–raising them in righteousness, being an example, caring for their physical and spiritual needs, etc.–and I’ve heard much about it in General Conference, Sacrament Meeting, and Stake Conferences as well. But try as I may to apply it to my life as a mother, I’ve always felt so inadequate and awkward. Discipline is important, yes, but what about letting them know you love them, too? Clean house, yes, but what about spending time with them? Scripture study, yes, but what if they don’t pay attention? What about when I’m just too tired? What about my personal time?
This morning, I forced myself off the couch (where I had been for a couple of hours after #3’s early morning risings) and started to get ready for church. Up until that point, everything had been kind of crazy, and the house showed it. Once I was dressed for church, I got the kids involved in picking up the living room and kitchen, and within 20 minutes, the entire place was organized and presentable again. I helped the kids get dressed and cleaned up, Hubby came home from his meeting in surprise (the house was clean?! On a Sunday?!), and I turned on “Music and the Spoken Word” to keep a calm mood.
As I was cleaning up the kitchen, feeling somewhat resentful that I didn’t have more time to sleep, nor more time to lounge about in my pregnant state, nor children that were old enough to just get themselves cleaned up and ready, I was stopped short with a lightening bolt of realization.
I heard in my mind all of these thoughts; they were in and around each other, and one led to another, but I’ll write them the best that I can:
“Cheryl, you are a mother. You cannot rely on other adults anymore –you are the parent. These children, and yes, even your husband, need to be able to rely on you. There is no room for selfishness anymore. Do not mourn for the loss of your ‘you’ time, because what you are doing as a responsible adult and as a mother is far more important. Be grateful that they need you. Be happy that they love you. Take care of them and do what you need to do to make sure that you can fulfill your responsibility. It’s the most important thing you can do, you know.”
That’s it. Interpret as you will, but, wow! I feel I’ve been given a great insight (and I have no doubt the Spirit was speaking to me) into who I am as a mother. In hopes that I will remember it forever, I am writing this down. So, how about any of you? Have you ever had one of these eye-awakening moments when your role in your life was so well-defined? (Whether it be mother, wife, sister, friend….)
Cheryl was born to Canadian parents, grew up in Idaho, went to BYU (where she met her husband), graduated in MFHD [Marriage, Family and Human Development] and Music, and stayed in Provo after graduation. She is the mother of three feisty and fun kids, with one on the way. She teaches piano and voice lessons, as well as a small preschool in her home. Currently she’s the Primary President in her ward. Cheryl loves the gospel, loves her family, and she’s happy, even though her life is crazy!
October 9th, 2006 11:20
I remember soon after having my third child that I had a lightning bolt about enjoying motherhood. It was what I did all day. I could either view each mothering task as a burden & responsibility that I wanted to do and get it over with so I could do something I “really” wanted to do, or I could enjoy it.
I now go ahead and enjoy the moments of motherhood. Bathing them, reading a story, disciplining them, teaching them, helping them, talking with them, listening to them, playing with them, puting them to bed.
It is so much more fun. These things can be fun and are a privelege that I want. Yes things can be hard or overwhelming but they aren’t just chores to get done and be done with. They are experiences to be enjoyed if you let yourself.
October 9th, 2006 11:30
This is an awesome essay. For me, motherhood has been a process, and these kinds of things help me keep myself focused on what’s most important.
October 9th, 2006 13:45
Hey Cheryl–thanks for sharing your lightning bolt moment! I got chills as I read it and related to it so much. Thanks for being you!
October 10th, 2006 12:30
JKS- Thanks for your insights. I find it so helpful to hear about other mothers and their own struggles –it really helps me to relate and know that I’m not alone! And that I can do it (specifically –enjoy motherhood!–), too.
Michelle- I know that I get mixed up with priorities sometimes, and I agree that shifting focus to what’s really important helps a ton (even though it’s almost a daily task!)
Jan–Thanks.