Rejoicing in Our Nothingness
I have always hated admitting weakness, but I’m going to do it here. I have been insecure most of my life. I have struggled to feel worthy of the love of people around me, and especially to feel worthy of God’s love.
I have usually looked to mortal means to fill my I-am-lovable-and-worthwhile bucket. I did well in school and got good grades. I have tried to be and do good, and have looked for positive verbal reinforcement from those around me in the process. I have done things that add bullets to my résumé…. You get the picture.
This complex of mine to have external validation of my worth is perhaps part of the reason that I have at times struggled with scriptures that remind us of our fallen, natural state–and how weak and rather pathetic we are as humans. Consider the following:
“And it came to pass that…Moses…said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing…” (Moses 1:10).
“[R]emember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness,…unworthy creatures…” (Mosiah 4: 11).
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam…” (Mosiah 3:19).
“…[I]f he have not charity he is nothing…” (Moroni 7:44).
“O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth” (Hel. 12: 7).
I have known in my mind that there is more to these teachings that just our nothingness. We are, after all, children of God. We have infinite worth. We learn that if we rely on God, He can make our mortal weaknesses become strong and all of that. But if we have infinite worth, why are we placed in a state where we are “nothing”? I haven’t quite been able to shake a sort of frustration with this idea that my mortal self is an unworthy enemy to God, and that I’m only something because God is everything. (The natural-man tendencies in me scream to be “enough” on my own. They want to equate the fact that I am a daughter of God with the idea that I can therefore do what I need to do and be what I need to be without any help!) It has bewildered me as to why it is so important for us to be in a state where we have to rely so completely on a Power beyond our own to be more than the dust of the earth. Why couldn’t we accomplish what we needed to accomplish without that absolute reliance on Deity?
My husband and I were talking about this tonight. As I posed that question to him, a thought came to him that just resonated deeply within our souls. It was this: God desires to someday give us so much power and glory that only the most humble, the most contrite, the most meek will be able to be trusted with that power. God has to know if we can put off the natural tendencies that would corrupt the power that only the most pure in heart can maintain (think “no power or influence…). And so, we are placed in a state where we are given the opportunity to exercise our agency to choose something that is not natural to us now. That is the test!
I felt the Spirit also clarify a couple of things:
1) If I cease to rely on myself and rely instead completely on Christ, He promises me His grace, His power, His characteristics, His abilities. He is perfect, and because of covenants, His perfections and attributes can become mine! (And I ask myself why I would want to be capable on my own?) If I want to truly be successful and capable and consistent and loving and strong and faithful, I can ONLY do that through His merits, not through my own willpower or puny “abilities.”
2) Mortality is only a temporary state, a “probationary state,” a time to “prepare to meet God.” God doesn’t view us through the lens of our flesh; He views us as who we can become if we pass this mortal test. When He reminds me of my nothingness, His intent is not to depress and paralyze me with feelings of worthlessness (which is my natural response to such a message). He is simply inviting me (with open arms!) to humble myself so that, through Christ, He can eventually make me all He is (and can help me through life now!). In short, He wants me to remember to be meek and humble so I can receive the gifts He has to offer.
To understand that words like “nothing” and “weak” and “unworthy” are not communicating who I really am (or can be) has changed everything for me. Those words simply help me “always remember” the Savior and the need to rely on Him. (Since I fail miserably at my efforts to do and be what He wants me to do and be, why would I want anything than to have Him, in all His perfection, to rely on? No wonder he says His yoke is easy and His burden is light!)
What I have tasted is that if I will accept and recognize and even embrace my nothingness–if I seek to be meek, humble and penitent, “relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save,” (2 Nephi 31:19)–then God can fill my life with peace, joy, rest, strength, and power beyond my own (grace). That power can make my burdens light, and can help me see everything in a new light.
“Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls” (Alma 37:34).
“And the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God (Moroni 8:26).
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls (Matthew 11:29). (Emphasis was added to the above scriptures.)
I’m also finally starting to really understand what Paul meant about glorying in our trials. Trials can also remind us to rely on Christ, so we can access His eternally-full reservoir of power:
[T]here was given to me a thorn in the flesh…lest I should be exalted above measure.
For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Cor. 12:7-10, emphasis added).
It’s impossible to really capture what the Spirit taught me tonight. But I wanted to attempt to share anyway. I know it’s what you have probably heard before, but I’ve been humbled to see how the Spirit has taught me things in a completely different way. (My hope is that maybe He can teach you something new as well.)
Mortality is all about our nothingness, so God can give us everything. What great reason we have to rejoice in that nothingness! It is something that can help us turn in meekness to God, that His grace may change our hearts and bless our lives–now and forever!
November 19th, 2006 03:49
Wow, Michelle! I, too, have struggled to reconcile our “nothingness” with the fact that we are God’s children and, therefore, of infinite worth. I appreciate your sharing these insights–they are of great help to me in understanding better what this life is all about and what the goal is. Thanks so much!
November 19th, 2006 09:17
Michelle, that was profound. What a beautiful, fundamental realization. Thank-you for being willing to share it, and for taking the time to share it so thoroughly. We are blessed to have you.
November 19th, 2006 12:54
Beautiful post.
November 19th, 2006 14:37
Michelle,
Thanks for sharing this perspective. What a beautifully simple explanation of an essential facet of our identity. Your reference to the power of Christ reminds me of Elder Bednar’s devotional “In the Strength of Lord” (http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=251&tid=7). I think so often we forget that the Atonement isn’t just about forgiveness and empathy; it’s also about a source of power that is available to us if we seek it. Not only did the Savior experience all of our trials, weaknesses, etc., but he also offers us power to overcome ALL of the effects of the Fall: spiritual, emotional, physical, and so on.
Thanks again!
November 19th, 2006 20:49
Wonderful, Michelle. You have brought several key scriptures together that beautifully illustrate how “Mortality is all about our nothingness, so God can give us everything.”
I remember well the first time I was introduced to the solution to this paradox concerning our identity. It was in reading the book Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem: Twelve Keys to Finding Peace, by Ester Rasband. The opening sentence of the book is D&C 101:42: “He that exalteth himself shall be abased, and he that abaseth himself shall be exalted.”
Sister Rasband has a wonderful chapter about the Atonement, entitled “Always Remember Him.” It concludes with a plea for us to beware of mingling the philosophies of men with scripture, and thus looking “to our status as children of God to get the self-esteem the world tells us we need.” She asserts that,
November 23rd, 2006 23:59
Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to comments. I appreciated all of them.
Mary, I’m grateful when something that has been helpful to me is helpful to someone else. Naiah, I feel blessed to be a part of APoF.
Brian, thanks for reading and commenting (it feels strange saying “thanks” though, because these insights felt like a gift, so if they meant anything, I suppose we know Whom to thank, right?)
Melanie, I will take a look at that talk — thanks for passing it along and for sharing your thoughts. And RoAnn, thank you for sharing that quote! Fantastic!
December 13th, 2006 20:28
5. As someone greatly helped by “Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem,” I enjoy seeing it used to help others.
Michelle, as many know, my own sins brought me to the brink of suicide a while ago. Instead, I managed to confess and start repenting. My SP’s, bishop’s, and the Lord’s love softened my heart so I could enjoy the mighty change / conversion God wants all to have. Feeling God’s love and forgiveness was more than I’d expected; I just wanted to be freed from the sins!
A few weeks later, my bishop asked, “Now that you’re here, how do we keep you from falling back?” I soon found the answer in the second verse you cited and in it’s companion. The complete text is:
11 And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.
12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.” (Msh 4:11-12)
I have found that by thanking God for his greatness in granting the atonement and by acknowledging my nothingness every day in my prayers, that I keep fresh that wonderful feeling of liberation and love that I felt when I first felt His forgiveness upon confessing.
December 13th, 2006 22:23
manaen,
Wow. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for sharing the whole text of that scripture. I love that scripture…it really is a recipe for peace and God’s redeeming love.
Your testimony really touched me. So powerful. And really, isn’t it so simple? We acknowledge our nothingness (daily in prayer, what a great idea!) and find “that wonderful feeling of liberation and love.” Wow. Words just don’t cut it right now.
December 15th, 2006 08:20
Thank you for that beautiful testimony, manaen. It reminded me that I need to continually fight the prideful thoughts or attitudes that so easily seem to beset me, despite my efforts ot avoid them. I realized in reading your comment that I need to be more specific in my prayers so that I can (as you so accurately phrased it) “keep fresh that wonderful feeling of liberation and love.”
December 21st, 2006 09:03
Thanks for the link from Mormanity. Excellent post. I appreciate your emphasis of the “no power or influence” passage. I think the institutional understanding of that within the Church has increased significantly during my lifetime.
December 21st, 2006 11:41
Thanks for stopping by, Pops. The more I study the scriptures, the more understanding comes about so many things!
August 28th, 2007 23:20
[…] I pick this verse because, as we all know, we find a very famous verse (and much discussed in the bloggernacle–see for example here, here, here and here) which uses the same phrase “natural man,” Mosiah 3:19. […]