An Answered Cri de Coeur
While visiting the family of our youngest son a few weeks ago, the adults in our group were startled one evening by the sudden, loud crying of our three-and-a-half-year-old grandson. He was apparently having a nightmare. Our daughter-in-law attempted to calm him with soft words and rocking, but he continued to cry out and talk nonsense which related to what he was dreaming.
She carried him downstairs to join the rest of us, and mentioned that this sort of thing had happened before. Once he was fully awake, she assured us, he would calm down. For a couple of minutes he continued to wail and display deep distress, despite his mother’s efforts to awaken and reassure him.
Finally, his sorrowful voice rose to a crescendo, “I want to go HOME!”
His mother assured him several times that he WAS home, and that everything was alright. She then asked if he wanted to go back to bed; he assented. He awoke fully from his bad dream while they ascended the stairs and became his normal, cheerful self, soon peacefully asleep in his bed again.
As I pondered what had just happened, I thought of Alma’s assurance to truth-seekers, which involves both desire and awakening:
But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. Alma 32:27
Lacking a full measure of faith, the desire to believe can be sufficient to effectively start us on our journey toward spiritual awakening and learning the truth about God. But it has to be a sincere desire, or like Claudius, we will soon realize that “My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go” Hamlet (III, iii, 100-103).
A statement by Dostoyevsky about His views on God, which I had recently heard on a radio panel discussion, also came to mind:
I believe that there is nothing lovelier, deeper, more sympathetic, more rational, more manly and more perfect than the Savior;…If anyone could prove to me that Christ is outside the truth, and if the truth really did exclude Christ, I should prefer to stay with Christ and not the truth. (Link to quote.)
Now, I recognize that there are other issues raised by that quote; but what struck me when I heard it was that for the Russian author, all his doubting and debate about the reality of God and His attributes eventually came down to a choice related to the desires of his heart. All the supposed rational arguments against Christianity, against the very existence of God, didn’t really matter–Christ was what his heart longed for.
Our spirits desire pure truth. But mortality presents things that may lure us away if we aren’t careful. For example, although the restored gospel hangs together logically, seeking for scientific “proof” of the Book of Mormon might actually inhibit our ability to choose according to our desires, and lead us rather to what might appear most expedient or feel physically tangible.
In my personal struggle to gain a testimony of God, Jesus Christ, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it was painfully difficult for me to overcome my pride and a focus on worldly philosophies, so that I could begin to sense what my deepest desires really were. Only then did my passionate outcries to regain the Spirit in my life and return home to my Heavenly Father lead me to peace of mind, and set me back on the path towards heaven once again.
When my grandson called out, “I want to go HOME!” he was only half awake; but he instinctively knew where his happiness lay. Hearing his mother’s voice assure him that he was indeed home, he came fully awake, and realized he was safe.
Heavily influenced by the culture of our time, we are often spiritually only half awake. We are troubled alternately by pride and fear, confronted and confused by temptations of every sort. But, if we are willing to arouse our faculties, and give place for the word, the Spirit can fully awaken us to our identity and potential as children of a Heavenly Father.
When we cry out from our hearts that we want to go home, we will eventually receive an answer. It may require considerable effort, anguish, and patience, but that kind of cri de coeur will not go unheeded. Even in the midst of turmoil and trials, we can all feel ’safe at home’ in this mortal life as we accept the gospel of Christ and continue to grow in faith and faithfulness within His restored Church.
December 6th, 2006 11:58
Lovely post with which I agree. However it was Claudius, not Hamlet, whose words did not fly to heaven.
December 6th, 2006 13:16
It never ceases to amaze me how simple it all is, and how complicated we sometimes want to make it! The older I get, the more I want to just let the gospel be simple because it is in that simplicity that the Spirit is most active in teaching me more about the deeper things, while still keeping the pure truths, well, simple and pure. I liked the analogy about wanting Home as well. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
December 6th, 2006 14:39
There is always something about this world that seems strange, that I don’t truly belong. The thought of “home,” with our Heavenly Father is one that fills me hope and longing.
December 6th, 2006 16:10
You are absolutely right, PD of Eve. Don’t know where my mind was when I made that mistake. You may note that I have edited the attribution thanks to your keen eye!
My thanks also to Michelle and Audrey for your comments.
When someone says that we LDS live in a bubble, isolated from the “real” world, I remember that to me, the “real” world is the eternal one, which we mostly only see through a glass darkly at present.
December 6th, 2006 17:05
RoAnn, this was a beautiful post. I, too, really liked the analogy of wanting to go home. Your post highlighted the importance of a desire to believe and how we can choose what we pay attention to. Very good things to ponder and then put into action. Thanks!!!
December 6th, 2006 18:27
Glad you liked the analogy, Mary. I agree with you that in an era of information overload we need to constantly make decisions about what we will spend our time and energy on. Unless we are on our guard, we can easily be distracted or seduced from eternal truth by Satan’s clever counterfeits.
December 7th, 2006 01:15
Just found this that I thought might be relevant:
Mortal life is like unto the traveler on a homeward journey. The miles seem long, the minutes slow, the events of the day protracted and tedious. Eventually, however, familiar scenes come into view. They may be hills or valleys, country landscapes or towering buildings, a teeming thoroughfare or a quiet neighborhood street. Whatever the scene, its familiarity quickens the traveler’s step, invigorates his wearied soul, and restores sweet feelings of anticipation and peace. At long last, he is home again.
In our mobile, bustling world, this experience of the homeward journey is repeated daily in the lives of millions of people. If we look closely, we can learn much about mortality from such a common occurrence. One thing is certain—we make a colossal mistake if we approach this mortal journey frivolously or take whatever path presents itself without thought as to where it leads. As one beloved Apostle has observed: “Truly, of all the errors mortals could make, God’s plan of salvation is the wrong thing to be wrong about! No error could be more enormous or more everlasting in its consequences!” (Neal A. Maxwell, “The Great Plan of the Eternal God,” Ensign, May 1984, 22).
(Keith B. McMullin, “Welcome Home,” Ensign, May 1999, 79 )
December 7th, 2006 07:12
Thanks for this definitely relevant quote, Michelle. We need to make the right choices if we really want to get home. Bishop McMullin has given us some vivid images; and Elder Maxwell’s words forcefully clinch the argument.