I also decided after reading your questions about things that I assume you see other mothers doing for and with their children, that I am quite relieved that much of the time we had children at home, we lived either in Latin America or Europe. I think that may have made a significant difference in what I felt I needed to do to be a good wife and mother.

If no one you know cans (no bottles available), or bakes bread (why bake bread when delicious, cheap bread is available at the corner bakery?), or does elaborate craft projects (no fancy materials available), there is zero pressure to be involved in these kind of things.

I have a filter in my mind that has a hard time sometimes processing the ideal as not a whip but something to aim for, one step at a time. I have been thinking lately about how easy it is, too, to take worldly, sometimes unimportant standards of or pressures toward womanly “success” and have them creep into my psyche. For example, do I really need to make my children’s snacks into cute little animals to be a good mommy? Do I have to have fourteen different kinds of crafts for them to do each holiday (or each week for that matter)? Do I have to be able to scrapbook, bake bread (although I love this art), cook gourmet meals…? Do I have to vaccum every day or wash windows regularly? Do I have to be making money on the side to be contributing to my family in a meaningful way? Sometimes I think it’s easy to end up measuring success by what others might see or think, or what we might read in a parenting magazine, or what we hear other mothers doing. Just thinking about those kinds of things can wear me out. So, that’s my long way of saying that I agree with what you said, Mary. For me, what works best is to try to look at where I am and figure out what I can do to improve a bit - particularly focusing on spending good time with my family. I don’t always succeed, but I like to look at my roles as a process, not an event. Not saying that anyone here thinks differently, but I just wanted to put my two cents’ in. And I think while we should always be striving to improve what we do in our roles (because we are here to “press forward” and “improve our time”), we can also measure success in many ways by how much the Spirit dwells in our homes and in our hearts, and how much our efforts and priorities square with what our prophets counsel us to do.

Incidentally, I can’t hear this scripture without thinking of my grandma. This was read by my uncle at her funeral. And you know, we all knew she wasn’t perfect (and this was acknowledged in that talk, actually). But we knew she loved her family. (I miss you, Grandma!)

I also appreciate what RoAnn said about how not everything about our roles will be spelled out for us. We are here to act and exercise agency and learn from our own experiences what brings the most peace and satisfaction. Sometimes I feel like a slow learner, but I also hope in the Lord’s patience and mercy as I go along!

I hadn’t thought about it specifically, but what you say about the Proverbs woman likely having older/grown children is how I envision her. And it does sound like she has a staff of servants! People have such varied circumstances, either all the time or at times in their lives, that flexibility definitely is something we all need to learn. Thanks for sharing your insights.

At the moment I tend to believe that there’s probably a good reason if we don’t seem to get definitive answers when we seek the Lord’s help in balancing our responsibilities and our desires as women, wives, and mothers. Perhaps we need to learn by experience how to be more flexible and adaptable. Maybe our priorities will need to shift more often than we might wish, and in ways that seem difficult or threatening. I guess that’s where faith and trust come into play!

A side-note on the woman in Proverbs: IMO, I think that she is being described at the time of her life when her children are all well pretty well grown, if not all married; and I also think she directs a staff of household servants!

You’ll probably think I’m making this up, but I have the same thoughts about blogging–that it would be something to give up, but yet, there’s that hope to serve others in some way (with encouragement, with knowledge, with love, or etc.) that tells me not to give it up yet. Besides, right now it is my writing outlet and that is a talent/ability I really want to develop.

This was a topic that I wanted to discuss a bit, getting feedback from others, and the Proverbs 31 woman seemed a good place to start.

My life isn’t like your life, and vice versa–we all have different things going on and are at different points, yet we can connect and understand and encourage. It does me a lot of good when my blogging/online friends are good examples to me.

Given that as my context, when you wrote:

“Of course, sometimes we may try something and, not only are we not so good at it, but it doesn’t really interest us and it isn’t something that is necessary to serving the Lord or our family. So we can let those kinds of things go without guilt. This frees up our time and strength for those things that are most important for us and our families.”

it echoed a train of thought I’ve ridden countless times lately. Oddly, for all that I’m plenty good at it, I am finding blogging more and more to be one of those things that I want to let go in order to free up yet more time and strength, but then I remember that, here on APoF, we are striving to serve the Lord and our fellow-sisters in the gospel, and I remember that the sacrifice is worth it.