No Looking Back
A few weeks ago my oldest son and I exchanged good-bye waves and smiled at each other as he backed out of our driveway for the last time. My husband and I had sold our house, and were moving out of state to live nearer our grandchildren.
As he drove off, my son’s head was held high, and he didn’t look back.
He had recently been laid off at work; but he was now excited about beginning a new career as a writer. Despite the known difficulties of breaking into the ranks of literary professionals, his success in getting several stories published during the last few years spurred him to consider the loss of his increasingly joyless job as an opportunity to jump wholeheartedly into that other field. With concerted effort, determination and a bit of luck, he was hopeful that he would soon be able to make his living doing what he truly loved to do.
As I watched his car disappear around a bend, the tears began to flow, and my mind went back to another farewell experience that had occurred when he was nineteen:
Our family was gathered at the MTC [Missionary Training Center] in Provo to see our first child off on his mission to a European country where we all knew proselytizing was extremely difficult. We were very grateful that he had a testimony of the restored Gospel, was worthy to be called, and was willing to spend two years sharing his testimony full-time, even though there was no guarantee of much success—at least in terms of convert baptisms.
We would miss him very much; but we were proud–both of the man he was, and the man he desired to become.
When the moment came for parting, we hugged, smiled at each other, and he turned to go. Head held high, he strode out the door at the back of the meeting room without a backward glance. At first I was surprised that he didn’t stop at the door to look back for one last wave to the family, as many of the other missionaries did.
Then, I understood; confident that he was doing the right thing at the right time, there was no need to look back. He was ready to face whatever the future might hold with optimism and faith in the Lord.
The succeeding months for our son were filled with all the enthusiasms, frustrations, disappointments, and joys that are common to hard-working, obedient missionaries laboring in areas where most people have not yet broken free of the traditions of their fathers. Slammed doors, broken commitments and a dearth of progressing investigators might bring hours of discouragement, but he always knew he doing what he should be doing, and maintained his underlying optimism and faith. He returned home with a deeper testimony, and noticeably increased emotional, intellectual and spiritual maturity. No matter that he hadn’t baptized many people; going on a mission had been the correct decision, and he was glad ever after that he had gone.
Just as my son didn’t look back to see the tears in my eyes in the MTC, he didn’t see me cry as I watched his car pause at the stop sign at the end of our street. He didn’t know I lingered in the garage doorway to watch him turn onto the main road, and finally disappear from my view as he rounded a bend. At first I was disappointed that he hadn’t paused to wave to me one last time at the end of the driveway.
Then, once again, I understood; he is confident that he is doing the right thing at the right time. What’s more, we’re all behind him, because we are confident that he will handle whatever his future holds with courage, optimism, and faith in the Lord.
Keep your head high, Son. No need to look back, because you do not walk alone.
June 10th, 2007 21:39
Loved it. Thank You. I love reading his stories as well.
June 11th, 2007 14:39
I wish and pray all the best for him. I hope to read everything he publishes!
June 11th, 2007 15:20
I love the message in your story as well, RoAnn. We are to “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ” in our lives! Thank you for sharing this with us. (I’ll be interested to hear how the new adventure goes with your son, as well!
)
June 11th, 2007 19:13
Your story of your son is not only moving but also encouraging to anyone who has had setbacks. Thank you!
June 11th, 2007 19:45
Thanks for your kind words, Daniel, Naiah, Michelle & Kirsti!
I think there is a tendency for us to to second guess some of our decisions when things become difficult. “If only. . . .” “Maybe if I had . . . .” When we do this, we usually assume that things might have turned out better for us if we had done things differently.
But, as my husband always reminds our family, if we had chosen something else, we might well have been hit by a truck and paralyzed. Things could be worse, rather than better!
When we make decisions after consulting with loved ones whom we respect, as well as with the Lord, we can have faith that the Lord will comfort and sustain us through the good times and the bad.
Michelle, you captured my feelings when you quoted that we must “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ.”
June 13th, 2007 16:31
Thank you for your moving story. It’s so important to have loved ones who believe in us and help us become what we are meant to be!
June 15th, 2007 05:27
Katie R, I count that support from loved ones (expecially family) as a great blessing.
IMO, one of the valuable opportunities we have for service in this life is to extend that kind of love to those around us who may not have a loving, supportive family. Our wards are often the main support system to members, expecially new converts, and people who live far away from their extended family.
January 13th, 2008 13:05
“I think there is a tendency for us to to second guess some of our decisions when things become difficult”
I think that is appropriate when we have been doing foolish things, but the purpose of life is to become difficult.