Perils and Prophets over PBJ
The other day, while my daughter was off at the stables, my four-year-old son and I had sat down to lunch. Between bites of pbj, and gabbing about everything form legos to his bike, he very suddenly and very earnestly asked, “Mamma, why was Joseph in jail?”
His question caught me off guard, and so, just to be sure, I asked him, “Which Joseph?”
“Joseph Smith.”
The consternation was clearly visible on his face. In his developing sense of the how the world works, only bad guys go to jail, and I could see he was having a very hard time with the thought that the Prophet had been where bad guys go. I want my children to feel secure in the world, to trust that the justice system ‘works,’ that it will keep them safe, and so I hate to have to explain that the unfortunate characteristics of human nature, such as fallibility and the capability for dishonesty sometimes get in the way.
Children come to us in such a state of perfect innocence, and it breaks my heart when the world must begin to encroach on that perfect sweetness, as, for their own safety, we have to explain to them that there are ‘bad guys’ who do horrible things. I wish so much that I could counter that fact with a vision of a world where it’s all white hats and black hats, and the black hats invariably get rounded up by the sherriff and locked up for good. Unfortunately, the reality is far more perilous and far less obvious or clear-cut than that, and on this day I had to tell my son so.
“Some bad men lied to say that Jospeh did things to get him arrested.”
“Why would they want to do that?”
“They wanted to get him arrested so that they could kill him.”
As my son’s feelings began to rise, it became touchingly obvious that it was those who lied, those who did the killing for whom he was feeling, and he said: “But he had good things for them! He had things of God. Why didn’t they listen???”
What a profound question–ages old. Why do men stone the prophets rather than listen to what will bring them to God? It’s a question that countless thinkers and theologians have asked through the ages. Even the great, learned Hugh Nibley, himself, had taken it on without truly answering it, and yet here is my four-year-old, in all sincerity, seeking his own understanding.
“Well, my love, I don’t know for sure. All I can think is that Satan pushed them to it. Do you know what Satan’s name means?”
Chewing on a nother bite of pbj, he shook his head “no.”
“I once learned in college that the word ’satan’ translated literally means ‘adversary,’ which means an opponent or enemy. Satan is Heavenly Father’s enemy, and sometimes he can have influence in the world and make people do things against Heavenly Father.”
I watched as that sank in, and it broke my heart to accept that my son has to understand the forces of danger, both spiritual and temporal, that are abroad in this world, but just as we have discussed ’stranger danger,’ for his safety, I need him to be aware that sometimes we can be driven by the very opposite of God. I just ache for wishing that he didn’t have to, that he and his sister could both lives lives of quiet peace, serving God, free from Satan’s flaming darts.
I know and see the wisdom in the doctrine that there must be an opposition in all things, but it breaks my heart so profoundly to consider that opposition that must face my children. How great must be the love that sent us to this life! How dire the need! How else could Heavenly Father have sent us here to face this???
I know that my children will be strengthened in the choosing, that the opposition will grow them in ways that nothing else can, but it does not make it any easier to let it happen. Be it bad guys on earth or that fallen son of the morning, I wish I could ‘build an hedge’ around my children’s lives to keep them all out. I know better, though, and I love them better than that.
Whether it’s a prophet imprisoned or any of the other paradoxical realities through which we will need to navigate, I can hold to the rod, and so can they. The world must encroach. The world is why we are here. I can only teach them as best I can, and then I just have to trust. The rest is up to them. I hope they always listen.
February 23rd, 2008 17:10
Thanks for sharing this sweet story. I have had similar experiences with my own children, but none as plain as this.
February 25th, 2008 07:46
It’s moments like this that just make me so consciously thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom–that I could be the one across the table from him when this idea rolled through his mind. (I grew up in day cares, myself.) These moments are so fleeting. I just asked my son about this conversation yesterday, Sunday, and he barely remembered discussing it with me (the original conversation was on thursday), but, when I placed the same questions back to him he answered just as I had explained it to him (though in slightly different words). He must have been in a truly open state because internalized it all, just like that.
February 29th, 2008 13:20
What an inspiring post! I’ve just found your blog today and have added it to my blogroll links. I’ll be visiting often.
Thank you
Blessings!
March 1st, 2008 00:19
Welcome, Bethie! I’m glad you like it!
March 12th, 2008 21:00
I love this. I love moments with our children like this.
June 12th, 2008 19:12
Hello, I stumbled across your blog tonight on a random surf. Suddently, it unleashed for me a long train of thoughts. Thank you.
I relate to your feelings of sadness at having to introduce life’s hardness to innocents. Last year we moved to our current home in a very active hurricane zone. It was a decision we made very carefully with the Lord. But I was still scared, albeit grateful for a priesthood blessing of protection.
This week I was repacking our 72 hour kits and filling gas cans for the start of hurricane season. Naturally, such conspicuous activity found me explaining to my 7 year old why God might let a natural disaster hit the homes of even righteous saints. I was trying to emphasize that he often saves the individuals, if not the property.
As my daughter was wrestling with the unjustice of it, I felt keenly (again) that all of my children came with their own “last days missions.” They came to earth specifically to bear off the kingdom in the days when “all things shall be in commotion and men’s hearts shall fail them.” And I realized that they’ve been taught before how to handle scary things and evil in their pre-earth lessons (see D&C 138); all I have to do is remind them here of who they already are.
Our very greatest desires are for our children’s spiritual salvation, much more than their temporal wealth or even comfort. Through prayer, during this last year, I have realized that even a dreaded hurricance could be a powerful blessing in the lives of my children.
Right now when they clamor for toys like our richer neighbors have, I simply try to explain that we have more children than others and need to save our money. True explanation, but lacks umph. (Actually I say “would you rather have a toy or a sister?” I’m sure this will one day misfire.)
But gosh, can you imagine how helpful it could be for kids to actually see houses demolished overnight? Talk about a powerful lifelong immunization against materialism!!! In a world hell-bent on financial success at any cost, maybe those children (saints or otherwise) who have seen disasters close up can be a little wiser, a little more set on eternal priorities.
And of course I’m deeply grateful to live in an age and location that’s fully insurable, even with high premiums.
Okay, so the kind of evil you’re talking about isn’t natural disasters. It’s the worse kind. But I think the common principle that set me off on the above tangent is that we will be true to God at any cost and in the face of any opposition whatsoever. There will probably still be future church martyrs (see Revelation), plagues, and deceptions.
But the beauty is that strong kids will have heard it all before from mom’s own mouth over PBJ, and the persecution will seem familiar and even pre-scripted because of the preludes of glory which momma also included with her sandwiches. I try to tell my children a lot about how all the world will one day be afraid of the “terrible inhabitants of Zion” because of their perfect righteousness, and how EVERYBODY who doesn’t want to “take up the sword against their neighbor” will one day flee to live with the saints, doctrinal differences notwithstanding.
The story of the crucifixion is, after all, the story of victory over evil. And the story of Liberty Jail is the magnificent revelations in the D & C (especially 88). So I tell them (and remind myself, when the weather channel makes me nervous) that the scary times mean that magnificent gospel blessings are just ahead….
Thanks for sharing.